Going back to work...

Sweet Titus,

I cherish these moments.

   Its been 7 weeks since you were born. Its been the best 7 weeks of my life. I have been able to spend every day with you and your brother and every day I fall more and more in love with you both.  Every morning I wake out of bed with you in my arms. You have been a great sleeper, but usually around 4am you get gassy and cannot sleep unless you are laying on my chest. So every day in the wee hours of the morning I get to relish in the sweetness of feeling your tiny little body resting heavily on me. I know you take comfort in being with me like that because for 40 weeks you listened to my heart beat and the rhythm of my breathing while you slept.

Snuggle time with daddy.

   We then spend the mornings playing with Maximus, doing some housework, and often going on a jog to the park. You have been an unbelievably sweet and easy going baby. You are very content most of the day, and only cry when you really need something. This has been a blessing because Maximus is in a stage where he requires quite a bit of attention. Every afternoon he takes a nap and thats when you and I get some play time. You love laying on my bed and kicking your legs. You have started smiling and making adorable cooing sounds that I wish I could record and listen to over and over for the rest of my life.

Look how cute you are. You can see your sweetness in your eyes.

   On Tuesday I have to return to work. I am really struggling with this. I can't imagine being away from you for so long during the day. We haven't been apart in 11 months. It doesn't feel right to be away from my baby when you are still so little and we are so attached. I love that you need me so much right now and I guess I am afraid that this will make you need me less.  You will be at Grammy and Paps' house and I know you will be in good hands but I just wish I could be with you all of the time. I know that coming home each day is going to be the best feeling in the world because I will have you and Maximus and daddy there waiting on me.
   I love you so much Titus. I will always remember this very special time in my life where I had no other job but to be mommy to you and Maximus for 7 weeks. Its the best job there is.
-Mommy

Welcome to the World, My Sweet One

My dear sweet Titus,

   You are here! How do I find the words to convey how much I love you already?  It is so amazing how that works. Here you were, an unknown child growing in my body. I had never seen your face or heard your voice. I felt your movements (so many movements) in my belly for several months, but otherwise, we were strangers. Then there you were, born into the world and placed on my chest. Our eyes met and you were mine. All of the sudden I loved you with an indescribable love that I have only experienced with your brother before.

   You were born on January 12, 2014 at 6:00pm on the dot. I had been in labor off and on for a week, having contractions mostly at night. Then Saturday night I had contractions all night long. By Sunday morning daddy insisted that we go to the hospital. There I found out that I was active labor and my water had broken. It had been a dream of mine to have a VBAC- a natural birth instead of a C-section. I had an emergency C-section with Maximus, which made sense at that time, but I always wanted to be able to hold my baby first when he came out of me. So thats what we decided to do, and after 9 more hours of laboring at the hospital, you were born. It was like I had always dreamed. The lights were low in the delivery room. Just your daddy, me, the doctor and the nurse were there. When they told me it was time to push you out, daddy said I had a big smile on my face. After 25 minutes I pushed you out and they laid you right on my chest. Daddy cut the cord and we both sat there in amazement staring at you.




    Because mommy had a high fever during labor, you came out very hot. You needed to be treated for infection just in case. You spent the first 48 hours in the NICU and had to be on oxygen and monitored. Daddy and I spent as much time in there with you as possible. I was able to breastfeed you around the clock and we could hold you as much as we wanted. Poor Maximus was sad that he couldn't see you after you initially met in the delivery room because he wasn't allowed in the NICU.
   On Tuesday, the 14th they released both you and me at 8:30 pm and we all went home as a family and started this next chapter of our lives. So far you are the sweetest and most pleasant baby I have ever been around. You barely cry and you sleep really well. When you are awake and alert you just look around and make sweet cooing sounds.
   We all adore you so much and I believe you are very blessed.  When you were born the OB was shocked to find that you had a "true knot" in your cord. Apparently this happens very rarely and usually results in stillbirth. Somehow you were protected and had no issues related to the knot. When I took you to the pediatrician 5 days after you were born, he said you were a miracle and that the hand of God is on you because you thrived despite the knot. I believe he is right. There is something very remarkable about you and I believe it is from the Lord. I can't wait to watch you grow and see how this manifests in you as you get older.

I love you so much my little boy. I promise you I will do anything and everything in my power to protect you and give you a good life.

Mommy