I Can Feel The Ocean

Ty Ty,

Hammock Time

  Last weekend we went to Mexico as a family with our good friends the Grudeckis and the Dwiggins. It was a great time for everyone because all of the kids get along so well with each other. You had your buddy Lincoln there and you loved following Gracee around all weekend.  I had fun with the grown ups and watching you and Maximus play. But I gotta tell you, my favorite part of the whole trip was the 1:1 time I got with you.  The first day I had a shirt on that said "I Can Feel the Ocean" from a Switchfoot song so you kept asking me to play the song. It kind of became our song for the weekend. Whenever we went into the ocean, you were kind of scared and wanted me to hold you and sing that song to you, so for a long time thats just what we did. When we were in the pool you wanted me to hold you too, and we even took a nap in the hammocks together and played that song on my phone. I loved every minute of it. And since coming home we have had some great moments where you came over and asked me to dance with you and play that song. I just held you and we danced. I don't know how long you will want to be this close to me, but I count myself so blessed to have it this way. You just bring me so much peace, especially when you are in my arms.
   Love,
 Mommy

Always My Baby

My Sweet Titus,
  Life has changed a lot in the past two weeks.  We took in baby Hope as our first foster child.  She is an adorable, happy, smiley baby girl and we all bonded with her immediately.  It has been interesting to watch you and see how this addition changes you.

On our date

I love watching you play.

  In the past couple of weeks I have noticed a dissonance in you between wanting to be treated and coddled like a baby, and your adamant stance that you are a big boy, not a baby.  You have been more cuddly toward me and somewhat more "needy."  You have wanted your paci more often (its only supposed to be used for sleep), and you have been having more emotional outbursts than usual.  You seem to love baby Hope, but sometimes you are jealous of her. Tonight she was crying and I was laying on the floor with her and you came and laid on my belly with your head on my chest so I couldn't tend to Hope. I found myself torn between wanting to comfort the baby and wanting to soak in that moment with you. Luckily daddy helped out and comforted Hope so I could just hold you.  Last week we went on a date to get Gelato together and I have been taking more time to tuck you in at night so that you know you are special, even if there is a new baby in town. And you really are special.  I just can't get enough of your voice, your personality, and your beautiful face.  I also am borderline obsessed with your tootsies. You are so funny, smart and tough. You are curious and sweet. I love listening to you play with your superheroes, in your own little world, unaware of anything else around you.

I love this pic of you on a date with daddy...
Look how you are digging into daddy's gelato.

 At night when I tuck you in, I often say, "you are my baby." You correct me and say, "no I am a big boy," but then I tell you that even though you are a big boy, you will always be my baby, and you don't argue with that. :)

I love you so much TyTy

Big Brother Titus

Titus,

My cool kid.

  I want to take some time to write to you right now as we are approaching a major change in our family's life in the coming months.  Daddy and I have decided we want to open up our home to a foster child.  It was a decision that we made together and it was surprising how quickly we went from not having it on our mind to knowing it was what we needed to do.  We have always been pretty sure we would grow our family, but I wanted it to be through adoption and dad was unsure if he wanted to adopt or have more biological children. Neither of us had really considered foster care, mostly

Hugging buddy Lincoln. You are such a lover. 

because of the fear of how painful it could be for US.  However, something this past fall really struck us when we saw someone's facebook post about how many babies and children were sleeping on an office floor in some CPS office because there were not enough foster homes. For the first time I really let myself think about the fact that those kids are just like mine. They need snuggles and kisses and to laugh and be rocked to sleep.  They have fear and needs and behaviors. They are a gift from God. And they were sleeping on floors without anyone to meet their needs, let alone to snuggle and kiss them and make them laugh.  Daddy and I decided to go to an orientation and learn more about foster care. We agreed to start the process and see where it took us. Now we are about half way through and we have decided to take in one child at a time. We decided to take in a child under age 2, for your protection, but we are open to race and gender.  So, for the first time, we are expecting a child but we don't know anything about it.

Playing with your big brother

  My biggest fear in this whole process is that you will get hurt.  You are my baby and we have been so incredibly close in the past several months. You are used to being the baby and getting a certain level of attention from me, daddy and Maximus. Now, though, you will have to share your attention with a younger child who may have a lot of needs. I don't want you to think that you are in any way being replaced and I don't want you to think that you may be sent away the way a foster child could be.  You and your brother get along so well and never seem to be jealous of each other, but even Maximus seems a little apprehensive about another little one entering the home.  It will definitely change the dynamic of the family. It will definitely be hard to say goodbye if and when that day comes.  But daddy and I would not have decided to do this if we didn't think the good would outweigh any negative impact on you.  I think you will grow a lot and learn a lot and love a lot through the process. I pray it will give you perspective and compassion and a desire to change the world.  You are such an amazing little boy and I believe you can change the world.  So, we will start one child at a time, as a family.

I love you Ty Ty.

Mr. Articulate

Dear Sweet Titus,

   I don't know why people hate the "terrible twos." I think it is my favorite age.  I laugh every day and feel overwhelmed with joy because of you, my little two year old. My little, verbal, articulate two year old. The things that come out of a smart 2 year olds mouth are hilarious. You are quite certain that you are the ultimate authority around our house, you are acutely aware of how to manipulate us by your cuteness and you speak in full, descriptive sentences.  You don't just say "no" or "yes," you will answer very assertively like, "No I don't want that, sorry mommy." Your voice is so precious and sometimes you make the "L" sound instead of the "R" sound, so you say things like "I'm leally leally cold, mommy!"  You had swim lessons these past two weeks and you were so cold so you kept yelling that to me. We aren't allowed to go over to the pool during your lessons so I had to let you keep crying to me without comforting you. It was so hard but you ended up doing great at swimming and now you love the water!  You also have started saying, "haHAhaHAHA" about things when you are being ornery. Its so funny and I am not sure where you got it.  Yesterday you pulled the stickers off your "good boy chart" and said, "I took these off, HaHAhaHAHA!"

I think of you constantly when we are not together and when I get home you are always so excited to see me and run into my arms. You beam at me and it is the best feeling in the world. Your little face is always messy, your hair is crazy and we call you "rooster boy" sometimes. You are so tough and yet so tender. You chase Maximus around and try to beat him up, even though you are the little brother and you adore your big bro. Then you will turn around and sweet talk baby Mariah who has been staying with us. You love to dance and shake your booty all the time. You still love motorcycles. Now we have to sing "Twinkle twinkle motorcycle" at night before you go to sleep.  I will always Love that special memory.

Life is good because of you. I love you more than anything Ty Ty.